My mom passed away 4 days ago. I feel as if I am out to sea in a boat all alone. I am just drifting – completely lost without any sense of direction.

At first, I was numb and somewhat in denial that this had happened. The sea seemed fairly calm. Now, wave after violent wave of emotions slap against the boat relentlessly. I am terrified of going over the side into the darkness of the water. I realize that I have to hold on tight and not let that happen ere the darkness will envelope me completely and I will be lost forever. It is as if they are waiting for me to drop my guard. When I do, I am hit square in the face once again with another emotional wave of memories and then, finally, reality.

There have been plenty of other times in my life when the darkness had tried and succeeded in taking over. I could always go to my mother no matter what the problem, situation or circumstance and she would always help me find the light. She has pulled me out of the darkness more times than I can count. I hate to imagine what I would have done without her wisdom and guidance through those dark times. I have always told people that I could not have handpicked from God a better mother than the one I was given.

Now she is gone and the darkness is trying to creep in again. What am I going to do without her? I miss her so much; the pain is almost unbearable. It hurts to breathe. It is a constant knot in the pit of your stomach that never eases and a hole in your heart that will never heal. Oh no, the darkness has discovered the hole in my heart, has found a way in and is slowly taking over. I am doomed!