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Sometimes I Wonder Why

by Tina kelley.........................................

Sometimes I Wonder Why
By: T. L. K.
As far as I can remember I always felt I was the outcast of the family I could never measure up no matter how much I tried in saying that I also felt I was not worthy of the good Lord above and his son Jesus Christ. I so longed and worked hard to be a good Christine person, a loving caring person as well. I was always told that I would never amount to anything I would in the past go to the point of letting people and relatives take advantage of me to just belong. On April 6, 2009 I was driving down a four lane road there was a gap between the roads where the bridge was were the river ran, as I approached the bridge by back passenger tire blew out it caused the automobile to go off the road I was headed towards the water I was frighten due to I cannot swim I pulled the truck back towards the road I hit the guardrail I went air born the seat belt came open at this point I was being tossed in the automobile I still today do not know how I was threw out of it I flew across the two lanes I was in over the gape where the river ran my face and body scraped the other two lanes when I began to stop my head hit the concrete bridge about four times when I was stopped I looked over my shoulder and saw the automobile as it fell to the ground the driver's seat area was totally crushed if the seat belt wouldn't of came undone and one of the doors wouldn't of came open I would of died I was told at this time of day there was not traffic by the grace of the good Lord above I got up to see if someone could help me I could hardly see due to the blood in my eyes I heard a voice to tell to lay down help is on the way as theses two ladies talked to me they told me that I was worthy to phrase God and Jesus, I was told that I do not need try so hard to belong, that know in my heart and mine that I was born in his image, all of a sudden I heard other voices it was the highway patrol officer when I asked about the two ladies I was told there were no ladies around that I imaged it all. Due to laying down and staying still I am able to was for I broke the L-1, and L-2 in my spinal cord, both feet, both hands, mutable concussions and on 85% of my body road rash, I thank God daily for his many blessings I know I am here for a reason but I don't know yet why, A year later I lost a very dear friend he was stopped at a wreak they had a road block while clearing it up as he sat and waited as an eighteen wheeler truck was coming around the corner it ran over his truck and killed him instantly, August 2010 my brother-in-law brain cancer came back they did surgery again this time he had a stroke on his total left side he never recovered in October 2010 his cancer covered his whole brain he passed away April 20,2011, He left behind his wife (she is my older sister) they had eight children still at home and two older married children with three grandchildren, in August 2011 the oldest of the eight children at home was our blessed child she was 28 years old, she was born with spinal bifida she found out in August 2011 that her kidneys failed in October she was put on a list for one, she began to become sicker she lost a lot of her hair and was in very much pain she had gotten an infection by the end it was in her brain. I was able to see her 6 hours before she died she passed away December 24, 2011 on Christmas Day I was helping take care of the seven still at home when I received the call she was in heaven above I was to wake up the children ages 17,15,(2-13),10,(2-7) years old the two youngest told me when I was getting them together for their mother and pastor could break the news, the two little ones let me know their sister will be coming home God healed her that is what they dreamed it broke my heart to know already she was gone I wounded why I lived and they did not I feel guilty, I feel the hurt will never end. I know they are not suffering but I do not know how to stop suffering myself. They are still loved and missed so very much.

Comments would be appreciated by the author, Tina kelley

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